Sliding Scale
by Angevon
Summary: Yosuke tries to resolve his newfound feelings for Souji, but it's hard because, dammit, he is not gay. [SoujiXYosuke]


[AN: A continuation from "Like Amazake." November/December Spoilers.]

* * *

_I'm not gay,_ he told himself for the umpteenth time this morning.

Yosuke scowled at his cell phone, flipped it open, and scrolled down to Souji's name to call him and _tell him just that,_ only to slam it closed before executing the call. He tossed the phone aside on his bed in frustration.

He was so damned confused. He hadn't slept much at all since, well, _last night,_ when he and his best friend had somehow ended up kissing after the New Years Eve celebration. He'd been thinking about it nonstop, and now even his favorite songs playing through his headphones weren't giving him any peace.

People said that the "firsts" of a new year were significant.

Dammit, he wasn't gay! That hug and kiss should never have happened. It was just the result of, of, of being overexcited for the new year.

Yeah.

But damn, all things considered, Souji had been a good kisser...

"Argh," Yosuke said, rubbing his tired face.

It seemed like the only good thing going for him today was that Teddie was still out with Chie and Yukiko, so he could agonize over this in peace. Though it was only a matter of time before Chie called him to take the bear back...

He had to sort things out with Souji before then.

It still took him quite a while longer to muster up the courage to call. It was New Years Day, anyway. Souji was probably spending the morning with Nanako-chan, since she had to return to the hospital once the holidays were over. Yosuke didn't want to interrupt their family time—at least, that was his excuse for putting the call off until after lunch. And he ended up volunteering to do the dishes afterward, much to his mother's surprise, just to waste more time...

Then he really couldn't put it off any longer, and he finally—painfully—made the call. Souji answered on the third ring, as he tended to. "H-hey, partner," Yosuke began, hating himself for the stutter but unable to control it. Damn, it was just too awkward. And he had no idea how to continue from there.

_Hey, remember last night...?_

_Did you get any sleep? 'Cause I sure didn't._

_Dude, I can't stop thinking about you._

Shit, _no,_ none of those were any good.

_We need to talk._ Well, yeah, it was true, but that made it sound like they were in a serious relationship or something. Which they totally weren't.

"Yosuke. Let's go somewhere," Souji said, mercifully interrupting his thoughts.

Yosuke breathed a sigh of relief—this was familiar ground. "Oh, uh, all right. Maybe... Okina?"

"I'd like to go to a hot springs. Yukiko mentioned it last night. Sounded nice."

The thought of Souji wearing only a bath towel flitted through his traitorous mind before he could shut it down. Yosuke emitted a strangled noise. _"No."_

He could sense Souji's amusement on the other end of the line. He could also imagine the light smile playing on his friend's face. It had been a joke.

It was so hard to tell with Souji, sometimes.

"The beach?" Souji suggested, apparently serious this time.

"Dude, it's winter. No one's going to be at the bea..." Yosuke trailed off, realizing that was exactly the point. "Yeah, okay."

* * *

He found Souji sitting cross-legged on the sand, quietly looking out to sea. His winter jacket was lazily unbuttoned despite the chill weather. It never ceased to amaze Yosuke how Souji could look so casual in every situation... even here, sitting on the lonely beach in his full winter clothing.

Yosuke dropped down right beside him and stretched his legs out, noting with annoyance the sand already beginning to cling to his clothes. His mom would chew him out later for it. The cold wetness of the half-melted snow unpleasantly seeped into the seat of his pants. Yeah, maybe the beach hadn't been the best idea. Maybe he should've just gone with the hot springs...

He scowled at the sky. It wasn't snowing yet, but the gray-white blanket of clouds covering the sky promised that it would, soon enough.

Gray-white, like Souji's eyes and hair...

He nearly jumped when Souji took his hand in his. "H-hey," he protested, but Souji was still looking at the ocean. He could feel Souji's fingers trying to intertwine with his own, but it wasn't working because he'd reflexively balled his hand up into a fist.

Souji noticed his tension, but it didn't seem to perturb him. He gently released Yosuke's hand, then wrapped his arm around Yosuke's back and leaned his body in close.

Yosuke's heart raced, but Souji was calmly watching the light surf, like it was perfectly natural that they were sharing body heat.

Well, maybe it _was_ perfectly natural...

Oh, hell no. Realizing what he'd just thought, Yosuke quickly twisted himself free and scooted several feet away from Souji and then turned his back on his friend. "I'm not..."

He couldn't understand it.

He wasn't... He wasn't gay...

And apparently Souji was? It was so hard to believe, something he'd never, _ever_ suspected until last night.

Yosuke had tried hard not to think about it. Souji was always going out with girls, although it never seemed to be serious. But he also spent a lot of time with Kou and Daisuke, and everyone knew those two were... Then again, Souji spent a lot of time with _everyone_ so it was really difficult to judge.

And now Souji liked him?

Why me...? Yosuke thought. Why not... like, Kanji?

Because... they were partners. They'd been partners since Souji'd pulled him out of that damned trash can ages ago. Since they'd fallen into the TV at Junes together.

Besides, Kanji was into Naoto like Chie was into Yukiko.

But damn it, Souji was his best friend. His _best friend._

He could feel his 'best friend' silently staring a hole in his back. "Souji, I..."

"It's all right."

"No, dude, it's not. I'm not... I'm not gay." Yosuke scowled at his own words. There, it was out there.

After a contemplative pause, Souji said, "Sexuality is actually on a sliding scale."

Yosuke blinked. "What the hell are you..."

"I read it in a book."

Of course. In addition to being a hugger, Souji was a reader, too.

"The world doesn't have absolutes," Souji continued, "when it comes to romance. Well, maybe there are some people firmly on either end, but most are caught in the middle, and—"

"What the hell are you trying to say?" Yosuke demanded. "That people change? I am not—"

"I'm saying," Souji went on calmly, "that you shouldn't be afraid."

"Afraid?" Yosuke scoffed, trying to dismiss his friend's words as nonsense.

Souji tugged lightly at his sleeve. Yosuke nearly jumped; he hadn't even heard his friend approach...

"Aren't you?" Souji said.

Yosuke shuddered and shook his head. He couldn't think when Souji was right there. Not about this.

Souji let him go. When Yosuke glanced back, his friend was looking out to sea again.

"I was afraid, too," Souji said, his voice barely audible over the surf and wind, "when I first realized I liked you, Yosuke." He turned his head and smiled sadly at him.

"...When was that?" Yosuke didn't really want to know, but he was too fascinated not to ask. It would definitely be creepy if it'd started like, way back in June, and Souji had been nursing a crush on him for months and months and...

"When we visited Nanako in the hospital together a few weeks ago, just the two of us. She called you 'Yosuke-nii' and you told her all those jokes and stories to keep her mind off the pain." Souji turned his gaze to the sky. "It... made my day."

Yosuke snorted, but it didn't stop there—it was just too damned funny. His shoulders rocked as he tried to contain the laughter overcoming him. Hot tears of amusement fell from his eyes as he failed to stop the Yukiko-like laughing fit. "Oh my god," he eventually managed between gasps for breath. Almost all of the tension he'd felt in this conversation dried up; he'd really needed this outlet.

Souji was looking at him with curious concern.

"It's just... _so you,_" Yosuke explained while wiping the tears from his eyes. "That it involves Nanako-chan..."

"You were so sweet then," Souji said thoughtfully. "Like amazake."

"Dude, don't remind me of the amazake." Damn, was his face turning red again? He blushed way too easily. Yosuke licked his lips for any remnants of the sweet drink, but of course it was gone by now, that had been _hours_ ago, what the hell was he thinking?

A chill wind blew and bit at his ears, and his nose was beginning to feel numb. It reminded of how warm and safe he'd felt in Souji's arms last night... "I'm not gay," he repeated, as if to ward off these thoughts.

Souji sighed heavily. "I know," he said. "I'm sorry. I've made you uncomfortable." He stood up and walked towards Yosuke. "You're still my best friend. We can forget all about this. We can go back to how it used to be between us. And you'll still be my best friend—that will never change. All right?" Souji held out his hand to seal the deal.

Yosuke opened his mouth to say, 'Dude, I can't just forget,' but Souji probably meant every word. Souji would be able to act like nothing had ever happened between them. That's just how he was. But Yosuke sure as hell wouldn't be able to...

Instead of taking his hand, Yosuke drew his knees together and curled up into a ball. "It's not going to work," he mumbled from somewhere between his knees.

"Yosuke?" Souji's voice had a hint of panic to it. He was worried... worried about losing his best friend.

Yosuke wondered if Souji was still reaching his hand out to him—but he didn't look up. He kept his head down, staring at the sand between his feet. "I didn't say that I'm not interested."

He could almost hear Souji's breath catch in his throat. "Yosuke?"

Augh, why did Souji make him feel this way?

Because... because, damn it, he was interested too, that's why.

He lifted his head and looked his friend in the eyes—those beautiful, stormy gray eyes. "I like you too, all right? I think. I don't know, I'm not sure. I..." He swallowed. "I'd like to find out?"

Souji's shoulders sagged in relief, and he was smiling uncertainly—hopefully. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah. But," Yosuke said quickly, "let's not tell anyone else, all right?"

Souji nodded.

"Cool... Now come down here and give me a hug, dammit. I'm cold." Yosuke blushed and turned his head away once more.

The hug may have turned into a kiss—or several kisses—but he didn't complain.


End file.
